Bill Clinton finishes his time on earth and approaches the Pearly Gates of
Heaven. "And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton, formerly the President of the United States and
Leader of the Free World."
"Oh...Mr. President! What may I do for you?" asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Clinton.
"Sure," says the Saint. "But first you have to confess your
sins. What bad things have you done in your Life?"
Clinton bites his lip and answers, "Well, I tried marijuana, but you
can't call it 'dope smoking' because I didn't inhale. There were inappropriate
extramarital relationships, but you can't call it 'adultery' because I didn't
have full 'sexual relations.' And I made some statements that were misleading,
but legally accurate, but you can't call it 'bearing false witness' because, as
far as I know, it didn't meet the legal standard of perjury."
With that St. Peter consults the Book of Life briefly, and declares,
"OK, here's the deal. We'll send you somewhere hot, but we won't call it
'Hell.' You'll be there indefinitely, but how long depends on the definition of
'eternity.' And when you enter, you don't have to 'abandon all hope,' just don't
hold your breath
