|
| | | | |
|
|
The
Declaration of Undependence
(With Gratitude And
Apologies To The Founding Fathers)
By Minority Mike
The Unanimous Declaration of the People of Last
Ditch Attempt.
When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for the folks around
here to dissolve the socialist political bands of slavery which have shackled
them to the nanny state, and to reclaim the rights granted them by the Laws of
Nature and of Nature’s God, it seems fair to let other folks know why we quit.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal -- no
matter what the totalitarians in Washington say. That they are endowed by their
Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life -- including
the lives of the unborn -- Liberty -- from the tyranny of a federal government
headed by a sociopath -- and the pursuit of happiness -- in any way, shape or
form we see fit, as long as we bear responsibility for our actions and demand
the same from other folks. That to secure these rights, Governments are
instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the
governed -- not movie stars, cocaine dealers, illegal campaign contributors,
co-opted state-run television networks dispensing statist propaganda, Chinese
communists or any other foreign wogs. That whenever any Form of Government
becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to kick the
bastards out and to institute new Government which will leave them the hell
alone to live their lives in safety and happiness without the approval of Ralph
Nader or any other safety Nazi.
We don’t do this lightly, but enough is ENOUGH and we’re not going to take
it anymore. When a long train of abuses, treasonous activities, briberies,
murders and lies, pursuing invariably the same socialist-American-slavery
objective evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their
right, it is their DUTY, to give such Government the heave-ho and to get back to
the business of taking care of themselves. Such has been the patient sufferance
of the people of Last Ditch Attempt; and such is now the necessity which demands
them to dump their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King
of Washington D.C. is a history of repeated injuries, usurpation and treason,
all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over the
town of Last Ditch Attempt. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid
world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the
public good.
He has dissolved the Legislative process repeatedly with his tyranical use of
Executive Orders.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, through means of intimidation
-- such as siccing the IRS on anybody who blows the whistle on him, packing the
federal courts with socialist dim-bulb judges, destroying the reputations of the
women he has molested and installing an Attorney General who thinks the Bill of
Rights is the menu at Planet Hollywood.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to
harass our people, and eat out their substance, not to mention gas, shoot and
burn them.
He has, in times of peace, sent out standing armies to slaughter innocents in
foreign nations as well as church congregations in Texas.
He has affected to render the military impotent and inferior to the militaries
of foreign aggressors.
He has rendered unto foreign powers the ability to turn this town into a
radioactive wasteland.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution,
and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their acts of pretended
Legislation: For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us disguised as
policemen. For protecting these Velcroed Stormtroopers, by a mock Trial, from
punishment for any Murders which they committed, or will commit, on the
inhabitants of this town. For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world
unless he stands to make a buck out of it. For imposing insufferable, illegal
and redundant taxes on us without our consent, and then using the damn money to
further enslave us. For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by
jury.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring open season on those of us who
would dissent from his socialist agenda and declaring war on us in the name of
protecting us.
He has plundered our take-home pay, ravaged our wives and daughters, burnt our
churches and destroyed the lives of anybody who dares to disagree with him.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to complete
the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of
cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally
unworthy of the head of a civilized nation.
He has harassed and imprisoned our fellow citizens for exercising their
God-given rights under the Second Amendment of The Constitution of the United
States to arm and defend themselves.
He has surrounded himself with an ignorant and loudmouthed pile of socialist
elites, thus insulating himself from the wishes of regular folks while wallowing
in the sewage of politically correct Crapspeak.
He has encouraged domestic insurrections and racial disharmony amongst us, and
has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of Last Ditch Attempt, the merciless
Department of Justice Savages, whose known rule of warfare is an undistinguished
destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most
humble terms: Our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury.
A Psychopath whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a
Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have we been lacking in attentions to our so-called Representatives. We have
warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an
unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the fact that they
are supposed to work for us, not ON us. We have appealed to their sense of
justice, and found it sorely lacking. They too have been deaf to the voice of
justice and fair play for all. We must, therefore, hold them, as we hold the
rest of the bottom-feeders in Washington, Enemies in War, and a really
disgusting bunch of blood sucking parasites.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the town of Last Ditch Attempt, in General
Congress assembled in Biggun Stump’s Saloon, and appealing to the Supreme
Judge of the world for His blessing of our intentions, do, in the name, and by
the authority of the good people of Last Ditch Attempt, solemnly publish and
declare that Last Ditch Attempt is, and of right ought to be, Free and
Independent; that it is absolved from all allegiance to the Clinton Crown, and
that all political connection between us and the Nanny-State Muckspouts in the
District of Criminals, is and ought to be dissolved; and that as the Free and
Independent town of Last Ditch Attempt, we have full power to levy war, conclude
peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and
things which a truly free people ought to have the right to do. We pledge our
lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor to this cause and you socialist
bastards can bet your fir, we ain’t kidding!
Signed July 4, 2000, by every American in the town of Last Ditch Attempt.
Down the State!
Up the Revolution!
|
|
|
