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The Deer Hunt
Saturday:
1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings.
2:00 A.M. Hunting partner arrives, drags you out of bed.
2:30 A.M. Throw everything but the kitchen sink into the pickup.
3:00 A.M. Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 A.M. Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 A.M. Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 A.M. Set up camp - forgot the damn tent!
4:30 A.M. Head into the woods.
6:05 A.M. See eight deer!
6:06 A.M. Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 A.M. "Click".
6:08 A.M. Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 A.M. Head back to camp.
9:00 A.M. Still looking for camp.
10:00 A.M. Realize you don't know where camp is.
Noon Fire gun for help, eat wild berries.
12:15 P.M. Run out of bullets, eight deer come back.
12:20 P.M. Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 P.M. Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 P.M. Rescued!
3:00 P.M. Arrive back in camp.
3:30 P.M. Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 P.M. Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 P.M. Load gun, leave camp again.
5:00 P.M. Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you. Miss.
6:00 P.M. Arrive at camp, see deer grazing there.
6:01 P.M. Load gun.
6:02 P.M. Fire gun.
6:03 P.M. One dead pickup.
6:05 P.M. Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 P.M. Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 P.M. Fall into campfire.
6:08 P.M. Change clothes.
6:10 P.M. Throw burned clothes into campfire.
6:15 P.M. Take pickup, leave partner and his deer in the woods.
6:25 P.M. Pickup boils over, hole shot in engine block.
6:26 P.M. Start walking.
6:30 P.M. Stumble and fall, drop gun in the mud.
6:35 P.M. Meet bear.
6:36 P.M. Take aim.
6:37 P.M. Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:38 P.M. Mess pants.
6:39 P.M. Climb tree!
9:00 P.M. Bear departs, wrap @#$%&*! Gun around tree.
Midnight Home at last!
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