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Brady Announces New,
Extra-strength Gun Control from Angel
Shamaya [corny radio announcer's voice] Sarah Brady of the Handgun Control Brady
Campaign to Make You Easier to Kill has just made a major announcement
today. Due to the fact that the ban on sawed off shotguns isn't
keeping young punks from attacking decent citizens, her Board of Criminal
Empowerment got together and devised a new, extra-strength gun control measure,
called a Double Ban. Though details of the plan are still sketchy, the Gun
Prohibition Queen said she's sure that "the additional law double-banning
violent actions is sure to make bad people go away." Said Mrs. Brady, "if this Double Ban
doesn't stop these poor children from being possessed by gun demons, we're hard
at work on a Super Triple Ban, too. We're going to legislate criminal
activity off of the face of this planet, just like it was before guns were
invented." The Princess of Modern Gun Restriction, Rosie
O'Donnell was very excited about the announcement. After her brilliant talkshow
this afternoon in which she explained how the solution for global warming was
for everyone to turn their air conditioners on high at the same time each
afternoon for 10 minutes, she explained how "sometimes, the first gun ban
doesn't work for some people. With this second gun ban, people who developed a
resistance to the first gun ban will be caught in the net, you know, and, like,
then they'll obey the law." Ms. O'Donnell had to cut her interview short
today to attend a promotion for her new book, "I'm Way Smarter Than
America's Founding Fathers." Due out next week, critics are raving about
everything they learned from Rosie's latest exposé.
She did give us one piece of wisdom she gained in her exhaustive, four-years of
dedicated research. "Though most of us were taught that guns were pivotal
in helping America claim and maintain her independence," she explained to a
packed room of reporters who were hanging on her every word, "it turns out
that those were all lies passed off by right wing extremists trying to overthrow
the legitimate government that had been peaceably installed by King George back
in 1773." CBS' world famous anchorman Dan Rather was on
hand to support Ms. O'Donnell and said, "It's a fascinating read. You
should go out and buy 10 copies to give to friends, and if you don't, you'll
keep believing the lies you've been told. Ms. O'Donnell is the quintessential
expert in these matters, and her ratings prove it." You can get a personally autographed copy of "I'm
Way Smarter Than America's Founding Fathers" by Rosie O'Donnell by going to
http://www.GunsAreReallyReallyScary.com.
Click on the picture of the dead girl who was shot by her crackhead boyfriend,
then go to the section on the page called "America is Still Part of Great
Britain." |
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