What Women Want

by Nicki Fellenzer
storminicki@cs.com

Everyone has at some point gotten one of those absurd emails that make their rounds on the Internet. You know the ones I’m talking about: jokes about women – how the guy who understands us should get a Nobel Peace Prize for psychology; how we’re difficult, needy, demanding, moody, premenstrual and enigmatic; how no man will ever figure out what we want, and if one does, he’ll have to be killed and his body donated to scientific research.

Well, I won’t presume to speak for every woman, but I’m certainly qualified to speak about the one in whose body I wake up every single day. My friends and I discuss the topic at length. We are the ones who know ourselves best. We are the ones who are best qualified to talk about our wants, needs and desires.

You guys want to know what REAL women want? Well, let me end the suspense for you.

1. Don’t treat us like children. Don’t humor us. Don’t patronize us. Don’t demean, denigrate, or belittle our thoughts and abilities. We’re just as smart, logical and capable as you are. In some cases even more so. So drop the intellectual superior routine. It won’t get you anywhere.

2. Kick the father/protector act to the curb. Real women are realists. Yes, we realize that when it comes to brute physical force, most of us are not up to par with you guys. But your ideas about the so-called “weaker sex” are laughable and insulting.

3. Contrary to what you might think, real women are perfectly capable of handling firearms. Real women are calm, steady and accurate. We’re well versed in firearms safety, and we don’t get rattled by LOUD BOOMS just by virtue of having more estrogen coursing through our bodies than you do.

4. No, owning and knowing how to use firearms doesn’t make us less feminine. If you think that, then you probably think being unable to defend ourselves against rape or murder is a female virtue. Wrong answer!

5. No, we do not need to be protected from ourselves. And DON’T use age-old prejudices about our need to be sheltered from the big bad beyond as an excuse to push your cowardly anti-gun philosophies on the rest of the world. It won’t work. I guarantee it. We’re much smarter than that. We know better. And if you have any doubts, see my first point.

6. We aren’t defenseless, meek or in dire need of your protection. If you get your power kicks by taking away our means of self-defense, then you’re delusional, feeble, ineffective and weak. That’s your true self. And we’ll make sure you know it.

7. Are you threatened by a woman who’s a better shot than you are? Is your masculinity at risk? Get over it. 

8. Don’t want your wife to learn how to shoot because as the man of the house you feel it’s YOUR job to protect the domicile? Get over it.

9. Does an armed woman offend your fragile sensibilities? Get over it.

10. And finally, we refuse to be victimized. So if you’re looking for a weak, defenseless quarry, you’ve come to the wrong place.

For more information about women and guns, visit Armed Females of America.