Kurt Amesbury, J.D.
DirectedFire.com

Well, it's all over. Bush has lost the election.

All we had to know was that Bush was arrested for a DUI . Of course there's no chance he could be elected now.

Some say that the Demoncratic party was to blame for the timing of the report of Bush's DUI, but the fact that the the information came from a longtime Demoncrat and Gore supporter isn't considered suspicious.

The fact that Bush admitted his guilt, paid his fine and learned from the experience isn't relevant either. After all, if he had been smarter, he would have had his father intervene on his behalf.

The age of the conviction is relevant of course. Since Gore has only been in public office 24 years, most of his illegal acts are not sufficiently "seasoned" to be appropriate fare for presidential campaign consideration. For example, Gore's illegal arms deal with the Russians and the Iranians is more like 24 months old, rather than 24 years. And his campaign fundraiser at the Buddhist temple wasn't anything like 24 years ago - so we shouldn't really consider it.

Gore's stories about the drug companies spending more on marketing than R&D are not even 24 days old, so they don't count.

Gore's lies about accompanying James Witt to the Texas fires, the poor little girl in Sarasota without a place to sit in school, questioning Bush's experience, creating the Strategic Oil Reserve, the "Look for the Union Label" lullaby, his mother-in-law, drugs, his dog, backing out on the "Meet the Press" debate are less than 24 weeks old, so they obviously shouldn't count.

And Gore's lies about not spending soft money on campaign ads, Bush not putting together a budget, the Texas crime record under Bush, the Bush debt plan, dissolving his links to the tobacco industry, never having grown tobacco on his farm, always supporting abortion, Bill Bradley's voting record, his claim that he helped author Humphrey's acceptance speech, his residence (on a farm?), negotiating an Internet protection deal, discovering the Love Canal disaster, being a home-builder after Vietnam, cosponsoring McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform, authoring the Earned Income Tax Credit legislation, being fired on in Vietnam, inventing the Internet, the Buddhist Temple fundraiser denial, and being a "brilliant student" - none of those are more than 24 months old. So they just don't count.

In the final analysis, all of Gore's dishonesty - whether measured in individual lies, days of lies, weeks of lies, months of lies, or years of lies - all of it taken together isn't nearly as important as the fact that George W. Bush drank 3 beers in a period of less than one hour then got in a car and drove -- 24 years ago.

No contest.

Or so the Demoncrats hope.

So you see, Bush can't possibly win.

(And if you believe that - Al Gore will be expecting your vote!)