HOW TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by the lack of Federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach the same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but looney activists who've never been outside Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belongs in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be Constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

21. You have to believe that anyone who beats you in an intellectual arguments is a bigot.

And finally...

22. You have to believe Richard Nixon obstructed justice by having an 18 1/2 minute gap in one tape of his recorded conversations and that it was an innocent mistake that one year's worth of Al Gore's e-mails got erased.

And, wouldn't you know that these e-mails of Al's just happen to be the ones subpoenaed by a White House committee and a federal grand jury in their continuing investigation of campaign finance abuses and other matters.

Bonus belief of a liberal: 

23. You have to believe that it's better for a woman to be raped and murdered than for a rapist to be shot.

Believe all of the above, and THEN you will be a really good liberal.

You say you're a liberal but don't agree with a bunch of these items?  Maybe you're not a liberal after all.  Take the World's Smallest Political Quiz and find out--if you dare.