HOW TO BE A
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread
by the lack of Federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher
who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach the same
kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands
of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons
technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art
before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures
are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and
more affected by yuppies driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are
artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment
but support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create
oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care
about nature, but looney activists who've never been outside Seattle do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is
more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that the military, not
corrupt politicians, start wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because
it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because
it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low,
but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger
and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson,
General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests
are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is
really a lady.
17. You have to believe that the only reason
socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people
haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling
the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belongs in the White
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades
displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be Constitutionally
protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic
party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United
21. You have to believe that anyone who beats
you in an intellectual arguments is a bigot.
22. You have to believe Richard Nixon
obstructed justice by having an 18 1/2 minute gap in one tape of his recorded
conversations and that it was an innocent mistake that one year's worth of Al
Gore's e-mails got erased.
And, wouldn't you know that these e-mails of
Al's just happen to be the ones subpoenaed by a White House committee and a
federal grand jury in their continuing investigation of campaign finance abuses
and other matters.
Bonus belief of a liberal:
23. You have to believe that it's better for a
woman to be raped and murdered than for a rapist to be shot.
Believe all of the above, and THEN you will be a really good liberal.
You say you're a liberal but don't agree with a
bunch of these items? Maybe you're not a liberal after all. Take the
World's Smallest Political
Quiz and find out--if you dare.