Letter from a Criminal

By Armed Rapist
(Original author, Angel Shamaya)

Dear Gun Control Advocates & Anti-Self-Defense Media,

I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for making my job easier. Every time you make it harder for my victims to defend themselves against me, my job as a criminal gets less risky. When I know my women don’t have a gun, I get what I want with almost no resistance.

Those local ordinances all these great American cities keep enacting after I commit one of my crimes--you know, the ones that tell law-abiding citizens they can’t carry a gun---well, they are Wonderful! Gives new meaning to the phrase "The Land of Opportunity." Each year, my ability to commit violent crime gets easier--less risky, if you know what I mean--and I owe it all to the great work you’re doing to disarm my prey.

Oh, that licensing and registration thing--love it. Less people will buy guns once again, for sure. Heck, I can get my guns on the street cheaper than the ones in the gun store anyway, so licensing and registration won’t faze me a bit. You’ve even helped me enlist some buddies into my gang because they aren’t afraid of getting caught any more, so thanks for that, as well.

Please keep up the great work for gun control measures which disarm law-abiding people. I’m really proud of the work you’re doing. You have my full support.

Sincerely,

Armed Rapist

PS. Though I’ve raped a bunch of women, I’ve never actually committed armed robbery because I just never knew if they had a gun or not. But now, I’m thinking of expanding my business!