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MMM Was Right for Once

by Michael Z. Williamson


Hopefully, this chewing out doesn’t apply to any of you. But I know better.

It’s pretty sad when the Million Moron March has to release an accurate Public Service Announcement about the dangers of the New Year’s practice of shooting guns into the air. Folks, we are supposed to be the experts. We are supposed to ridicule them for their ignorance and stupidity. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, we can, in clear conscience, because even money says none of them know the difference between a rifle musket and a rifled musket.

This is instance number 100. Every year at this time, I hear the cacophonous roar of drunken gap-toothed, slackjawed, white-trash redneck yokels blazing ammo into the air while hootin’ and hollerin’. What’s worse is that I live in a large city, and some of the above fools drive Volvos and Mercedes rather than the stereotypical pickup trucks.

As a matter of fact, most rural dwellers are either too smart to pull a stunt like this, or live far enough away from neighbors that the risk is minimized. Despite the negative connotations of the words in the preceding paragraph, the idiots in question do exist, and do give all of us a bad name, and generally aren’t the kind normally (and wrongly) associated with it. The false association continues, however, because idiots will be idiots.

For the clue-impaired, let us review:

1) What goes up will come down.

2) When it does, it can cause damage, injury or death.

3) This is stupid.

4) Very, VERY stupid.

5) It’s also illegal in virtually every city, and with good reason.

6) It gives all we gun owners a bad name.

7) A single death or injury could easily kill your current right-to-carry or state KABA bill. Permanently.

8) If I wind up as one of your jurors, I will convict you.

9) It is neither cool nor fun to anyone over the emotional age of 3.

10) It is not a "boyish prank."

11) It is not "Just having some fun."

12) If you insist on firing a weapon on New Year’s Eve, first safely insert the muzzle into your mouth to limit the casualties to those who deserve it.

If you want to make noise, get fireworks, or pop some bags, or crank your stereo. All these vary in legality, but at least the only person who will suffer is yourself. The rest of us cannot, will not, and do not want to make excuses for your idiocy. Especially over the body of an innocent pedestrian.

Copyright 2000, 2001 by Michael Z. Williamson. Permission is granted to copy in toto for non-profit purposes, provided due credit is given. Mr. Williamson's website is right here: His archive of writings on our website is right here: Contact him through email here:


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"There's no legitimate use for a gun like this." --Chicago Police Superintendent Philip Cline, brandishing a 9mm semiautomatic handgun at a news conference (Chicago Tribune, "Special unit hauling in guns, drugs" by Glenn Jeffers, January 29, 2004)

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