The Supersonic Fast-as-Hell Lie Generator

by Patricia Neill

Has anyone else noticed the incredible speed with which falsehoods, prevarications, half-truths, spins, inaccuracies, whoppers, and other garden variety lies are emanating from the White House? Did you wonder why? I did. The speed is incredible.

This researcher discovered that human agency alone was no longer sufficient to keep up with the damage control requirements necessitated by the immorality and thieving of the First Occupants. Vince Foster's death by unknown causes, Vince Foster's suicide note that wasn't in his briefcase and then it was, which ended up being called a forgery by three international experts anyway, Hillary's billing files that "disappear," and then "show up," Hillary's claim that she wrote her book, "It takes a Village" out in longhand and that her draft was the exact number of pages as the published book (to anyone who knows typesetting, this was a scream), Hillary's $1000 magically becoming $100,000, Bill's desire to be in the Army now that he needs to escape from Paula Jones and now that he won't actually have to get shot at, Bill and Hillary's Arkansas buddies whose addresses will change to Arkansas State Pen in a short while, and so on. And on. And on.

However, with the advent of "black" church burnings and now the FBI files, the number of which that were sent over to the White House by the poor, victimized FBI grows and grows and grows, kind of like Pinocchio's nose, has meant an amount of lying that no mere cadre of aides can hope to keep up with. Although they've tried. A Washington source who is actually named Shirley Anonymous told me that as many as 5 White House aides, professional liars all, could no longer sustain the pace and had to be taken to the hospital for moral recusitation.

During a recent Clinton radio speech to the nation, Clinton said he had "vivid and painful" memories of black churches burning during the civil rights days. Perhaps Bill had these memories implanted by mind control experts, since no one else in Arkansas had any memory of any church burning, whether "vivid and painful" or not. Within one week, another aide dropped from exhaustion trying to cope with the fallout of Presidential Forked Tongue Disease (PFTD).

For the FBI filegate fiasco, however, the Clintons finally Got Smart and installed a brand new SuperSonic Fast-as-Hell Lie Generator, manufactured by Acme. They found the model they wanted in a catalogue loaned to them by Coyote, no doubt.

A report filed today on the Infamous Internet, the only free press, stated that another 300 files were at the White House--these files on former and current national security staffers. The number of the files leaped to 700. And national security staffers--if these people aren't already cleared for White House access, who possibly could be?

I'm as curious about new technology as the next person and I am hoping the Clintons fire up their spanking new Lie Generator tonight! I want to see what that sucker can do!

Representative Clinger (Rep.), chairman of a strange blob of useless stuff called a "Government Reform and Oversight Committee" said that the disclosure of these files "serves to reinforce the concern all Americans should feel about this incredible breach of national security."

Robert Muse, the lawyer for Anthony Marceca, the next lowlife doomed to be sacrificed on the Clinton's alter, said that documents taken from Marceca's computer "repudiate any notion of corruption, venality or criminality. They show a bureaucratic process being carried out by a bureaucrat." Whoa! Methinks Mr. Muse must have slipped down to the White House basement and given that new machine a quick whirl!

Being as "national security" is our State Religion, and I think our Beloved First Criminals may be in trouble, I await with bated breath to see if their new SuperSonic Fast-as-Hell Lie Generator can get them out of this mess.

HA!

I don't think so. Remember what happened to Coyote. I sincerely wish the Clintons the exact same luck.

27 Jun 1996

© Patricia Neill, 1997
8 Dec, 1997

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