50 Caliber Rifles Unimpressive Terror Weapon,
Afghans Prefer Free Stinger Missiles
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The Simon Jester Project
(Contact Info Below)
October 10, 2001
Recently the Violence Policy Center (VPC) released a
press release claiming that Americans had armed the Afghani
Mujahaddin with as many as 25 high-caliber rifles over a decade ago.
But the Simon Jester Project, a program of national gay-friendly shooting group the
Pink Pistols, has followed their lead to learn much more chilling information: Afghani fighters have gained access to advanced "Stinger" shoulder-fired missiles that can bring down a warplane. The Pink Pistols even uncovered the shocking secret funding source behind the deadly weapons.
The group began by conducting research to gauge the effectiveness of the .50 caliber rifles discussed by the VPC. "Actually, we were sort of disappointed," revealed Pink Pistols member David Rostcheck. "It's basically like a smaller rifle, but bigger. The VPC literature indicated we could blow up buildings with it, but we couldn't get that to work. It just seemed to put holes in things like a normal rifle, but at a longer distance. For its cost - greater than some cars - we thought we'd get explosions, but no. The Stinger missile is clearly the way to go."
Rostcheck detailed the Pink Pistols' search for higher powered weaponry. "A Stinger missile can shoot down almost anything," he noted. "Obviously, when we learned of them by watching CNN, we wanted one right away, and set about trying to find them."
Their search led them into the shadowy underworld of the international military arms trade. "At first," Rostcheck said, "we assumed that the terrorists had obtained these fearsome weapons at gun shows and shipped them to Afghanistan, as recent VPC literature indicates. But then, after more knowledgeable parties mocked the idea that overseas military units are equipped at American expo centers, we learned that you can't actually buy a Stinger missile at a gun show."
"And then," Rostcheck continued breathlessly, "we heard of this thing called an 'international arms trade', and when we followed up on who does the trading, boy, were we shocked!"
Pink Pistols Founder Doug Krick explained how the trail led to an unexpected end. "We started by trying to track down the nebulous 'gun industry' named as the responsible party by the VPC," he said. "But our research uncovered an amazing fact - the missiles were actually supplied to Afghanistan by a shadowy agency called the United States Government!" Other research indicated that the now-defunct Soviet government may have supplied arms, perhaps unwittingly.
Fearlessly, the Pink Pistols followed the money trail to learn the secret funding source for the missiles - a shadowy cartel of private individuals and corporate sponsors funding programs to ship military weapons around the globe. "Why, the funders turned out to be the American taxpayers!" exclaimed Krick. "That meant that the people like you and me, and those working at the VPC itself, had helped spread these deadly missiles around the world!"
"But that wasn't the worst part!" continued Rostcheck. "When we found out that we had paid for the missiles ourselves, we figured we would be able to get ahold of them easily, but American taxpayers were not allowed to own them!"
Rostcheck explained the contradictions of American firearms licensing. "As many Boston residents recently learned, law abiding citizens cannot buy guns without months of begging the state for a license and exhaustive background checks. But even licensed citizens can only buy a select few guns on the Massachusetts 'safe guns' list, and the Stingers are not on it."
"Consider the hypocrisy," elaborated Krick. "American citizens with no criminal record must jump through elaborate hoops to get even the overrated .50 caliber rifle, but Afghanis obtain much more powerful Stinger missiles, paid for by us, with no waiting period or criminal background check whatsoever!" Krick noted that the poor screening has let weapons fall into the hands of well-known criminals such as Usama Bin Laden, who appears on the FBI's Most Wanted List.
"It's ridiculous," Krick noted, shaking his head. "We fingerprint law abiding Americans, but hand Usama Bin Laden crates of Stingers. What a world!"
The Simon Jester Project - Finding Levity In The Insanity!
A Project of the Pink Pistols (www.pinkpistols.org)
from David Rostcheck