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Brady Announces New, Extra-strength Gun Control

from Angel Shamaya

[corny radio announcer's voice]

Sarah Brady of the Handgun Control Brady Campaign to Make You Easier to Kill has just made a major announcement today. Due to the fact that the ban on sawed off shotguns isn't keeping young punks from attacking decent citizens, her Board of Criminal Empowerment got together and devised a new, extra-strength gun control measure, called a Double Ban. Though details of the plan are still sketchy, the Gun Prohibition Queen said she's sure that "the additional law double-banning violent actions is sure to make bad people go away."

Said Mrs. Brady, "if this Double Ban doesn't stop these poor children from being possessed by gun demons, we're hard at work on a Super Triple Ban, too. We're going to legislate criminal activity off of the face of this planet, just like it was before guns were invented."

The Princess of Modern Gun Restriction, Rosie O'Donnell was very excited about the announcement. After her brilliant talkshow this afternoon in which she explained how the solution for global warming was for everyone to turn their air conditioners on high at the same time each afternoon for 10 minutes, she explained how "sometimes, the first gun ban doesn't work for some people. With this second gun ban, people who developed a resistance to the first gun ban will be caught in the net, you know, and, like, then they'll obey the law."

Ms. O'Donnell had to cut her interview short today to attend a promotion for her new book, "I'm Way Smarter Than America's Founding Fathers." Due out next week, critics are raving about everything they learned from Rosie's latest expos. She did give us one piece of wisdom she gained in her exhaustive, four-years of dedicated research. "Though most of us were taught that guns were pivotal in helping America claim and maintain her independence," she explained to a packed room of reporters who were hanging on her every word, "it turns out that those were all lies passed off by right wing extremists trying to overthrow the legitimate government that had been peaceably installed by King George back in 1773."

CBS' world famous anchorman Dan Rather was on hand to support Ms. O'Donnell and said, "It's a fascinating read. You should go out and buy 10 copies to give to friends, and if you don't, you'll keep believing the lies you've been told. Ms. O'Donnell is the quintessential expert in these matters, and her ratings prove it."

You can get a personally autographed copy of "I'm Way Smarter Than America's Founding Fathers" by Rosie O'Donnell by going to Click on the picture of the dead girl who was shot by her crackhead boyfriend, then go to the section on the page called "America is Still Part of Great Britain."

Printer Version

To suppose arms in the hands of citizens, to be used at individual discretion, except in private self-defense or by partial orders of a dissolution of the government. John Adams, A Defense of the Constitutions of Government of the United States of America (1787-1788).

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